does he know ???

One of our new tasks here "is to go and see if" ! For example he asks you to go and see if server number x is up and running in data center , and usually we call co workers there and ask them instead when our boss is not around . I wonder does he know that from long ago people use phone lines ... I wonder if he is using paper cups and strings for commionication at home ?? ;)

Day 2555 ...

Im still trying to make clients undrestand "Google is NOT internet" & "Windows password is diferrent than your email password or automation software password" ... Subjects show so much resistant to undrestanding  however there are few developments in typing and remembering the name of softwares ...

sure ! His hands are fine !!

I dont have time for weblogs neither good typing skill , but some stories are so dumbly funny I cant resist sharing it for next generations :D
The only person who can sign request to buy new computer hardwares is our boss , today he was at a meeting at 8th floor . A man came and asked me to sign that paper I explayned only boss can do that he insist aaaaaaaand l explayned over and over again , so he went out and seems he was the kind that just want to gain something to say I was a winner or something so he returned again and asked :
- Say I find your boss at 8th floor , could he sign the paper ?!
Me : Sure ! His hands are fine !! :D
My coworkers are still laughing ... ;)

Only in offices ...

Is it only our office or everywhere that people who want to go to bathroom instead of empty rooms they knock closed door first ?? We have five toilets in our W.C. and even if there are 4 of them open people first try the one with closed door . Is it a mental problem or what ? 

Weird clients 5 : To be or not to be !

Recently we decided to get rid of all windows xp in our organization ( This decision took so long because of so many old school client and old ones who hardly learn to work with xp and they were feared may 7 be so hard for them too ... Yes for idiots learning is hard anyway ... ) so we began going to rooms floor by floor search . At the same time our domain had changed so we had to change domain for win 7 users and doing neccessary changes for using our programs and send xp computers for windows changing ( I must mention that in my workplace , people are usually linked to hi profile governments or hi ranked politic poles or army ... in short you cant just tell them what should be done to their computers and its usualy clients who decide for their pc's )  .
So one of these days I received a call from an old lady ( mostly these elders are truble and most of the time because of their lack of knowledge but I respect them very much as its in our cultur to do so ) I went to her and not only one but there was two cute old ladies mad at me for why the hell did we installed windows 7 on their pc's and telling me over and over that they dont like windows 7 ... and then again over and over . As I was about to have a headache I realise the pc I was working on belonged to one of these two so I asked :
- whos is this ??
- ... mine ! why ?!
- Its windows xp . Your pc has a windows xp on it and yet hasnt been 7 !! 
- Really ??!!
- Yes ! cant you see ?? and you were complaining about it so much
She went silent for about a minute and other lady went too look at her monitor with doubt and surely she didnt know wether her windows was xp or seven either ... NO CLUE AT ALL !
Then first old lady suddenly cam out of comma and screamed :
- THEN WHY MINE HASNT CHANGED TO 7 YET !!!!?
- WOW ! I am a little confused ! First of all tell me whats the problem here and whas TRUBLING YOU !! Is it having a windows 7 or not ???
I love our organization its like working in a big mental hospital with so many funny and crazy people in it ... yes some of them are dangerous to be around with

weird clients 4 : OPOC (one proccess only client )

Yesterday I had a call from 3rd floor "My computer is too slow !" I went to chek it out . First this client told me his PC is slow I checked few softwares and it was quite fast then he said "No I ment printer is slow !" I said "OK (STUPID!!) lets check that ." Printer was working perfectly so I said :
- May I ask why did you said your pc and then your printer are slow ??
- That lady told me !
- What lady ?
- The lady from accountant software department .
- Did she check your PC as well ?
- NO .
- So she just told you its slow and you just accept it like that ?!
- Yes I told her my software is not working properly she said its your PC not our servers so I called you .
- OK dude as you see I checked your PC and its working perfectly fine so call her and tell her it wasnt my PC and I came from IT department and checked it myself and it was alright so next time you (IDIOT!!) want to say something like that first (GET YOUR ASS HERE !! AND) check my system first and then tell me something is wrong from here !!
- Sooooooo my PC is ok ???
- (YOU DONT SAY !) Yes it is .
- Then why she said it is not ???
- DId you heard what I said earlier ?!!
- OK dont get mad ... just wondering if its ok why she said its not ??
- Because she has no idea because she even didnt check it first !!!!!
- Allright allright ... ( in low voice ) but she said its not ok ...

weird clients 3

- Hi there , I call from room 465 sir one of your ITmans installed office 2010 for me 3 weeks ago now my printer dosnt work ...

morning

Years of evolution ... Apes became man ... Man travel to space ... electronic devices ... Mankind got smarter and smarter ... Yet some of staff in this organization just cant learn begining of work is at 8 AM and it ends at 3 PM and they start dialing and dialing IT lines non stop until 8 when we arrive and pickup the phones and when we are leaving after 3 PM some are still dialing nobody knows till when and we left office with a smile and sayin "God bless them ." :D

صبح اول وقت 

سالهای متمادی تمدن ... میمونها تبدیل به انسانها شدند ... انسان به فضا می رود ... تجهیزات الکترونیکی ... نژاد انسان باهوش تر و باهوش تر می شود ... ولی هنوز هستند یک سری از کارمندهای این سازمان که یاد نگرفتند ساعت کاری از 8 صبح تا 3 بعد از ظهر است و از 7 صبح شروع می کنند به گرفتن شماره های اتاق آی تی تا 8 که ما برسیم و جواب بدهیم و حتی بعد از ساعت 3 بعد از ظهر که می خواهیم برویم می بینیم هنوز عده ای ول کن معامله نیستند و کسی نمی داند تا کی ادامه می دهند و ما هم با لبخند همراه با گفتن "خدا شفاشون بده ." اتاق را ترک می کنیم :دی

                                                

weird clients 2

I somehow wonder how stupid can someone be ?? If you look at the socket of an RJ45 and compare it with a phone cable socket its obvious they are different , yet there are always clients who put phone socket instead of network socket and funny part is when they say it with extreme self-confidence "That strange ! I pluged in network cable in my computer but I dont have internet access !!" funnier is that look on their face when you tell them what have the do and he/she has put phone socket in network place ! First they go like "really ?!! But I pluged the right one !" (have you ever met a client who admit their mistakes ?? ... they just never does!) Then they go like "Oh ! "maybe" I did because I was talking to bla bla etc." and usually when they are saying first part they are loud and clear but second part is only for themselves to be heard . Same goes for times when they put CDs backward in cdroms or they put a dvd in cdrom or they want to watch a movie with microsoft office word or ...

کاربران عجیب غریب 2

گاهی فکر می کنم یک آدم چقدر میتونه خنگ باشه ؟؟ اگر به سر کابل شبکه یا همون RJ45 نگاه کنین به سادگی متوجه میشین با سر کابل تلفن فرق داره ، با این حال همیشه کابرهایی داریم که کابل تلفن رو می زنن توی جای کابل شبکه دستگاهشون و خنده دار قضیه اینجاست که با نهایت اعتماد بنفس میگن "عجیبه ! من کابل شبکه رو به دستگاه زدم ولی اینترنتم وصل نشد !!" خنده دار تر قیافه طرف هست وقتی بهش توضیح میدی که  بجای کابل شبکه کابل تلفن رو زده ! اولش شروع میکنن به توضیح اینکه "واقعا ؟!! ولی من درست وصل کرده بودما !" ( تا الان کاربری دیده شده که بگه اشتباه کرده ؟؟ ... نه عمرا نمیگن!) بعدش شروع میکنن که "آهان ! "شاید" چون داشتم با فلانی حرف می زدم حواسم نبود و ال و بل" و معمولا وقتی قسمت اول رو میگن با صدای رسا و بلند ادا می کنند و وقتی قسمت دوم رو میگن طوری میگن که فقط به گوش خودشون برسه . همین روال برای زمانی که سی دی رو چپه توی سی دی رام میذارن یا دی وی دی رو توی سی دی رام میذارن یا می خواهند فیلم رو با ورد آفیس ببینن یا میخوان با پرینتر خاموش پرینت بگیرن یا وقتی دستگاه رو از برق کشیدن تعجب میکنن روشن نمیشه هم صادق هست ...

O'COME ON !

Workday just startet : Giant boss came trough door and told me with panicky :
- " aaaaaa ... ok please go to Dr.Lar's office seem they cant start their videoprojector there ... plz hurry !!"
I did and only problem I saw was that power button hasnt been pushed ! (I really dont undrestand how a video projector could be related to IT department!) all those people involved gathered around me panicked and asking many questions like what should we do how did it happened oh god and stupid things like that so I just turned it on and I returned among the surprised faces of everyone there ( seriously nobody's IQ didnt seem to underestand what happened even after I turned it on and they was like Merlin the magician did something mithical !)
When I arrive to our office and just when I opened the door again Giant boss showed up at the door and again panicky :
- "OH ! There you are , ok see Im goingt to 9th floor ,"Mr.Magazine" would be late today , and there is another event at -1 floor so call "Mr.Im good" and until he gets there you go there and check everything and ..." ( His voice gone as door been closed but he was talking and I get in office ... Its normal here ) . As I know "Giant boss" and I know he doesnt "think" when he is panick ( usually is ) I called "Mr.Im good"
- Hey , Where are you ?
- Hi , Im at -1 ! Why all of you are calling me all of the sudden ??
- Its "Giant boss" thing again .
- (laughter) Ok got it .
I feel people just like to panick and they do it just because they want to , not for any particular reason or not it happens . As I read somewhere "WE LIVE IN THE ERA OF SMART PHONES & STUPID PEOPLE."

روز کاری شروع شده : "رئیس نهنگ" از در وارد می شود و با دست پاچگی به من میگوید :

- "عععععه ! ... خب بی زحمت برو دفتر "دکتر گوریل انگوری" انگار ویدئو پروژکتورشون کار نمیکنه ... لطفا عجله کن !!"

رفتم و تنها اشکالی که دیدم این بود که دکمه روشن ویدئو پروژکتور رو نزده بودند ! (من واقعا سر در نمیارم ویدئوپروژکتور چطور جزو کارها واحد آی تی محسوب می شود !) حالا همه مسئولین امر دور من جمع شده بودند که ای داد ای هوار چی شده چیکار کنیم وامصیبتا چی شد اینجوری شده و این حرفها من هم فقط دستگاه را روشن کردم درست شد و در میان نگاه حیرت زده حضار خارج شدم (واقعا هوش هیچکس نمی رسید که من چیکار کردم حتی با اینکه دیدن من فقط روشنش کردم یک جوری نگاه می کردند انگار مرلین جادوگر یک حرکت اسطوره ای زده یا یک همچین چیزی !)

وقتی برگشتم به اتاق "رئیس نهنگ" در چهارچوب در ظاهر شد و دوباره دستپاچه :

- "اوه ! اینجایی ، ببین من باید بروم طبقه نهم "آقای مجله" هم زنگ زدده دیر میرسه و یک جلسه هم طبقه -1 داریم ، تا وقتی "من خوبم" برسه یک سر برو اونجا همه چیز رو چک کن " (و همینطور که حرف میزد در بسته شد و صداش کم کم محو شد و من اومدم توی دفتر ... اینجا این چیزها طبیعیه). از اونجایی که من "رئیس نهنگ" رو خوب میشناسم و میدونم وقتی دست پاچه هست (معمولا هست) اصلا فکر نمیکنه و دستور میده زنگ زدم "من خوبم"

- سلام ، کجایی ؟

- سلام من الان توی -1 هستم ! چی شده همتون باهم دارید به من زنگ می زنید ؟؟

- کارهای رئیس نهنگه دیگه .

- (با خنده) اهان فهمیدم .

احساس می کنم مردم علاقه دارن استرس داشته باشند و این کار رو می کنند بخاطر اینکه دلشان می خواهد اینطوری باشند نه اینکه دلیل خاصی باعثش شده باشه . یاد نوشته ای افتادم که جایی خوانده ام " ما در عصر تلفنهای هوشمند و مردمان ابله زندگی می کنیم" .

Imagination

Im getting a new prespective about immagination ! It startet last night , as I mentioned before I have flu and last night I got home late and I was so tired that without changing my clothes I lay on my coach and went to sleep then when I woke up today I saw many sms from my fiance that was considering me awake and was complaining why I dont answer her  . Now this wasnt that bad since she didnt see me and she supposed Im reading her msges worse than that was when I came to office with fever and my head was exploding from headacheand my eyes was poping out  and I was sweting like hell  and an employee saw me and said "Hey ! You look good  !!! " ... I think he whether didnt know what good is or he didnt know what look good means 

Loner ranger

I watched LonerRanger today . As always Johny Depp was fantastic in his role and he was the movie executive producer too (whats that ??) . There are some certain names that whenever your hear them in cast and crew of a movie you'll be sure that movie would be awesome like Johny Depp and Hans Zimmer (music). Whatch it you wont regret

Sickness is not bad after all

I have flue and when I have flue my imagination get flue too ! for example I was thinking if god was a such a creator why didnt he make thinks come from nose and istead these green stuff doesnt come with brown stuff from ass ?? Seriously its disgusting ... why he couldnt just put a door or something on stomack so we could trow away those like gabage or why sucks smell like dead dog and not smell like banana ?

As another result of this flue I have doctor order to rest at home for two days and its my first in my entire life I never has canceled any day of school or work for getting sick infact in last 10 years I only oce went to a doctor for toothache . With the serum and peniciline and another one I dont know what the stuff was they inject in my serum I feel fine except I swet very much and I feel I can go to work but my inner child insisted on staying home and have fun Im sure I dont have experties of doctor about my ilness and no matter how bad person you are when a kid shut you with a imaginary gun you must act like you just got shut therefore I cant say no to my inner child now can I !? ... not to mention my fiance is coming back from trip with her parents and paying me a visit the day after tomorrow Im sick and she feel bad so she wants to take care of me so tell me what idiot would refuse to rest and get well ???... I just realised getting sick sometimes is not bad afterall !  

  مریضی همچین هم بد نیست 

آنفولانزا گرفتم و وقتایی که آنفولانزا می گیرم ذهنیاتم هم آنفولانزا می گیره ! مثلا داشتم فکر می کردم خدا که همچین آفریننده توپیه چرا چرا کاری نکرد که چیزایی از دماغمون بیرون میاد چرا با همون چیزای قهوه ای از باسنمون بیرون نمیاد ؟؟  خداییش حال بهم زنه ... چرا یک دریچه ای چیزی روی شیکم تعبیه نکرد که هروقت خواستیم محتویات رو بجای زور زدن مثل زباله های خونه در بیاریم بریزی دور ؟ یا چرا جوراب باید بوی سگ مرده بگیره و بوی موز نده ؟ هان ؟

نتیجه دیگر این آنفولانزا این بود که دکتر برام دو روز استراحت در منزل نوشت و این اولین بار درتمام عمرم بود من هیچوقت روزهای مدرسه یا اداره رو با دستور پزشک تعطیل نکرده بودم درواقع در 10 سال گذشته فقط بخاطر بک دندون درد رفتم دکتر دندون پزشک . به لطف سرم و پنی سیلین و یک آمپول نمیدونم چی چی که توی سرم ریختن الان بهترم فقط مثل چی عرق میریزم . احساس مس کنم میتونم برم اداره ولی کودک درونم اصرار داره بمونیم خونه و تفریح کنیم از طرفی من که دکتر نیستم بدونم چی برای مریضیم خوبه چی بده و مهم هم نیست چقدر آدم بدی باشی وقتی یه بچه با هفت تیر خیالیش به شما شلیک میکنه باید تظاهر کنید که تیر خوردید پس به این ترتیب نمیتونم به کودک درونم هم نه بگم میتونم ؟! تازه نامزدم هم پس فردا از مسافرت میاد و میخواد بیاد عیادتم و ازمن مراقبت کنه خب شما جای من کدوم خری حاضر نیست استراحت کنه که حالش بهتر بشه ؟؟؟ ... اینه ک دارم فکر می کنم گاهی مریض شدن انقدرها هم بد نیست ! ا